Tell Me What You Want To Hear
by ever4
Summary: Three-shot: Bella started cutting herself when Edward left, and is now only reminiscing on something she misses..or so she plans. Throw in a load of endorphins, a furious vampire boyfriend, and a couple of torn shirts..and what do you get? Caught. AR/IN
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Thought this up reading a similar story, and wanted to try it out myself. Please tell me what you think!

**Song For This Chapter: Secrets - OneRepublic**

**BPOV**

I slowly traced the knife back and forth across my hand, barely touching. I missed this. It was strange, I thought, that I should; that time had been the worst in my life, and this had developed at that point. _So why should it be so nice?_

I sighed as I hopped down from the bathroom counter, careful not to stab myself in the process. But I didn't let go of the knife. Edward would be back soon; I knew I should just go put it back downstairs and pretend that none of this ever happened. _But what if this was a part I liked that happened… _No, no. I shook off the thought, because I couldn't continue. And for the most part, I had stopped. I was completely cutting-free, for almost three months now. I'd stopped immediately when he returned, and for a while, it had been easy.

But now it was coming back. The need, the _clawing_…it was eating me. It burned like venom in my veins, whispering to me in my dreams and acting as a constant devil on my shoulder. And it was hard to resist…mainly because more of me _wanted_ to go back than was scared of the consequences of actions. If it weren't for those Cullen's…

_Cullen's. _I laughed at myself; it really was kind of ridiculous. I would never in a million years wish the Cullen's to leave; for one, my absolutely perfect boyfriend was one of them. And for another thing, well…_just no_. I would never desire for them to be gone, even if it _did _mean that I could cut again. After all, their leaving had been the reason to make me start…

Well now that didn't sound so bad anymore. _Oh please_, the sane part of me chided, l_ike you wouldn't actually jump off a cliff again if he left…_Geez that sounded really bad now that I actually considered it. I mean, really, who does that? Crazy teenage boys, that's who- but normal, not-so-happy young adults? It just shouldn't happen. _Yet it had_...once, at least. It would never again.

I thought about walking out of the bathroom, I really did. I thought about putting the knife back and going to read a book while I waited for Edward to come back from hunting. I thought it through and completely threw away the thought. This was too much fun.

I wasn't doing anything, so where was the harm? Besides, Edward had broken promises before, and so had I. What was a little danger when you had an immortal looking out for you? I carefully grazed it over my fingers again, placing a light pressure on my hold. Oh, it was so tempting…so tempting, when I had it right here. So tempting to just dig a little farther, to draw blood and watch it swell.

Sure, that was sick. I was human enough that I could admit it; but still, it was _good_. I wasn't stupid- I'd been to health class and learned my fair share about the process, knew all about the endorphins and the numbing and…

I sighed again and climbed back onto the counter, my feet dangling off as I continued where I'd left off. This opportunity was too good to pass up. I looked in the mirror, watching myself as I continued with my path across my left hand. I trailer it down to my wrist, over the vein, back up to my fingertips, and then flipped over my hand to let the knife's tip tap my palm.

I grinned at the person in the mirror. She was dressed in a light blue top, sleeves rolled up, and jeans to cover up the rest. All in all, there weren't that many remaining. Most cuts would just scar and heal, unless otherwise provoked. I'd been good at provoking, as far as others of my kind went; most lived for that, but me? No, never; I lived for the process, the first cut. Once it was done, it was as good as trash. And no one likes to open a garbage can.

I moved the knife up to my face, tracing along my lower lip. I never went that far before, cutting my face. I'd stuck only to the most inconspicuous parts; legs and arms, occasionally a hip or shoulder. See, that was my secret; don't stick to one place. That way, it had allowed me to remain in short sleeves or- on the rare occasion Forks allowed- shorts. If anyone noticed, it would merely seem as if I'd fallen again. And, being me, that wasn't too hard to believe. If you counted, they actually totaled up to about 25- those left, that is. Many had healed long ago, not even a scar left for proof. It had been to my advantage, that way, and I had no regrets on the process I'd chosen.

I returned my gaze to the mirror. Man, that knife, my skin… I pushed back suddenly, letting the blade clatter noisily into the sink. If I didn't stop now, I wasn't sure I'd be able to later. And Edward would just _love_ that; physical proof he'd hurt me. As if he didn't have enough of a mental case to deal with…

I laughed and, without thinking, leaned over to pick up the knife again. _Edward_…would hate me for this. No, _isn't here, _the voice in my head cut in. _Edward isn't here. _Well, when you put it that way…

I resumed my tracing, not a care in the world. It was eerily quiet, Charlie having gone fishing for the afternoon, and I was left by myself. _Not a smart move, boys, _that same voiced reproved. I pressed a little harder.

_Oh no. _Blood. I'd drawn blood, and now I was sucked. It was right across my third knuckle, a barely visible slice…nothing more than a paper-cut, really. How could anyone possibly notice this? They just wouldn't.

In that case… I used the same amount of pressure on a different spot, for similar results. A light line of blood, which quickly clotted and stopped stinging in minutes. _Well that was no fun_. _Had cutting lost its affect?_ I wondered, but quickly shook off the thought. Of course not, of that I was sure of; I just needed to cut a little harder. _But wouldn't Alice see this? Wouldn't Edward smell the blood? _Hmm…the logical side of me had a good point. But did it _matter_? Not to this girl.

But I would have to be careful; lots of minnie cuts, that was all I could spare. I moved the knife up to my neck, staring at myself in the mirror. For some reason, I had the most self-confidence when I did this. I felt powerful, strong. There was even something…sensual, about cutting. It really did help my self-esteem.

I took a deep breath and let it out, cutting a small line across the course of my collarbone. Edward would hardly notice, if that. And if he did, I would tell him that…a cat scratched me. Sure. _Oh, hell. A cat? Really Bella, is that the best you can come up with? You're as good as fried. _Hmm. Maybe my sane side had a point. After all, when would I ever be exposed to a cat that could scratch me, in the first place? _Never_…okay, fine, so that one didn't work out. Well, I could always play the 'I tripped' card; that was pretty easy to believe. Yes, that would be what I did…_if _he asked. Otherwise, there was no reason to even think about it.

I now had three cuts done, and I was getting addicted. I could feel it in my over-pumping bloodstream, hear it in my too-fast heart rate. This was something I _needed_, how could I have forgotten that? This was what I _lived_ for this was who I was this _was_-

What the hell had I been thinking, to give this up? No, I would never give this up. I would cut and cut and cut until I died, was changed. It was the only way.

I hurriedly rolled the rest of my sleeve up, going a little deeper with the cuts. They still weren't anything to be too worried about, but I wanted more. More and more and more and …

This was it, I couldn't stop. It was a wall I always came to when I picked back up this knife, when I thought I could control myself, and it was just to see- just for old time's sake. Would I, or wouldn't I?

Because this was baby cutting, this was practice. What I really missed was a _gash; _a true, blood-spurting gash. One that wouldn't stop bleeding for hours, would open back up in sleep and stain the pillows. Yes, that was what I missed. And sorry to Edward, but my resistance level had sunk down to zero. After months, _months_ of ignoring the urges and fighting back, I would surrender. I would finally, thankfully, give in.

I didn't even smile as I pushed the knife to the side of my wrist, the frenzy kicking in. I barely got in one good cut before something went wrong. And then there was this sound and a door breaking and this metal ringing and my hand not being bloody enough and I wanted to pass out.

Edward was here.

He'd smashed down the door, absolutely _smashed _it. In record speed he'd grabbed the knife from my frozen figure, a livid expression encasing his whole body. He didn't even look at me; he just shook his head violently and threw the knife into the wall farthest away from me- it stuck. I was ice.

He paced around the small bathroom, clearly trying to calm himself. "Is there something you want to _tell me, _Bella?Anything you want to_ share_?" His voice was bitter and loud, but still he had not looked at me. I remained speechless, my mind racing to catch up with the minutes' previous events. I stayed where I was; still, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, the embodiment of shocked.

Edward turned around rapidly, coming face to face with me. He was more than livid, he was beside himself with rage. He stalked forward, gaze locked with my own. For the first time in my life, I was scared of him. I should have known that I never should be. I should have known that he couldn't hurt me.

In one swift motion, he was holding both my wrists in his hands. I was still frozen. Keeping his eyes locked with mine, he pulled away and tore off a strip of his own sleeve, tying it around my bleeding hand. His action was so gentle, so tender, that I could hardly believe it came from the man standing in front of me.

He closed his eyes briefly, letting go of my hand. I was afraid of what would come next. I expected anger, yelling, screaming even. I couldn't have been more surprised.

Edward carefully walked over to the bathtub, taking residence on its side. He put his head in his hands, saying nothing. I couldn't speak if I wanted to. He seemed to understand this, for after a moment he lifted his head and looked back over at my wrist- my wrist, not my eyes, and spoke.

"Call me when you're ready to talk," he commanded. And then he was gone, a breeze in the room, a rustle in the trees, the only remaining evidence of his visit lying in the shred of fabric tied to my skin.

**Parte dos will be up soon. In the meantime... REVIEW? :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **This chapter turned out longer than I planned, so I hope you enjoy it! Also, I'm changing this to a three-shot in order to give it the ending I wanted. Tell me what you think :)

**Song For This Chapter: Disconnected - Lindsay Lohan**

**BPOV**

I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I had no idea what to do with myself, now that Edward was gone. But wait, he seemed to think I would actually get to a point where I would _want _to talk about it with him? Crazy.

I wiped my hand across my face, unconsciously pulling my hair out of my face. The hole in my chest felt like it had just been ripped open once again, and I knew that I was really screwed. I sunk down in the hallway, directly on the floor, and sobbed my eyes out. How had I let this happen, again? Why was I such a bad person, how could I do this to myself? Now I'd made him leave, and he would never come back, and I would sit here for the rest of my life and die and bleed and…_no_. _Somehow, _incomprehensibly_,_ I managed to ignore the pain and focus on my current situation. It was the only way I could breathe.

I knew three things, as I always did…three things that I could be absolutely sure of.

1. Edward had just seen me cut…or, well, start to cut, myself with a knife.

2. Edward had been furious, and had thrown said knife into the wall, with enough force to make it stick. (I knew this because I'd just gotten up and attempted to pry it out; no such luck.)

3. Edward had told me to call him when I was ready…to _talk_. Did he not know me at all? Really, did he? God, I would never do that in a million years. No matter how much I needed to, never.

I took in a shaky breath and tried to distract myself. Now what? I was shaking as I walked out of the bathroom, praying that Charlie wouldn't notice a knife wedged in the wall when he took his shower. _Of course he will, stupid, _my brain told me; but still, there was a chance that he could be exceptionally unobservant tonight. He _did _have a history of that…

Well, whatever happened, I wouldn't be here as a suspect. I closed the door behind me and hurried back to my room, head spinning. So Edward had just seen. So Edward knew…_well, of course he would find out, Bella! You only cut in the full view of Alice's vision…_Oh Dear God.

I groaned. _Alice_ would absolutely murder me. Whereas Edward might just beat himself up- or at the most share a few harsh words, Alice would have no problem telling me her feelings…and I had this really bad feeling that they would _not_ be feelings I wanted to hear.

...

This day had been hell. I'd barely said a word during dinner with Charlie, but he didn't seem to mind. After, I settled down to watch a baseball game with him, trying to refocus my mind. This was odd; I was almost always with Edward these days, and Charlie took notice. I tried to keep my answer short and inconspicuous, but of course he wouldn't settle at just that. After I told him the first time, he seemed to 'forget' and ending up asking me quite a few times why Edward wasn't coming by tonight. It was with more satisfaction than disappointment, leading me to believe he remembered _exactly _why; he just wanted me to say it again.

_"We got in a fight. We just both needed some time to cool off." _I shuddered remembering the line, for I hoped I never had to say it again. Thankfully Charlie hadn't noticed the knife wedged in the bathroom...well, strangely, really. Sometimes my father could be so clueless, poor man.

After the game was over, I washed up and finished my homework, did the laundry, and told him goodnight. Now I was standing by my window, unsure whether I should close it or not. I had no doubt in my mind that he would not come over tonight, but it was the symbol…for some reason, I just thought he would know if it were to be closed. _Impossible, Bella…_

But was it? After all, I was dating a vampire and had a werewolf as a best friend. Was anything, truly, ever impossible? Not in this town.

I closed the window.

The second the action was complete, I felt the enormity of my action weighing in on me. I clutched blindly at my chest, feeling the hollowness sink in, the automatic tears welling up in my previously dry eyes. I couldn't live like this, I didn't remember this kind of pain, all I remembered was…numb.

Oh, the sweet relief. No longer was I swallowed up by my emotions, instead a deadly calm settled over me as my head was cleared of its raging battles. This was more like it. Numb, numb I could do; but pain? Not so much.

I thought about it for a moment, and then moved my hands back down to my left wrist, where Edward's make-shift bandage still hung. I would need to take it off before I went to bed. Regretfully, I closed my eyes and untied it.

I thought seeing the dried blood would creep me out after all this time, but it didn't. When I finally reopened them, I was surprised to see that staring at that little piece of fabric, stained red with my own blood, I was oddly sentimental. I dismissed the thought of throwing out such a piece, and instead tucked it underneath the clothes in the top drawer of my dresser. There, that was better. Not gone, not forgotten- but still not something to flaunt. I proceeded to climb into my bed, tossing and turning in an empty, dreamless sleep.

...

Morning. How could it already be the morning, when it felt like I had only gotten an hour of sleep? I groaned and rolled over, stretching a little as I did so. Morning…_damn it_. The previous days' events came rushing up at me, and I groaned for an entirely different reason as I recalled what I was about to face. Edward…classes…_Alice_...

I was still so screwed.

I had no idea what I was going to say, or for that matter, _do_- when I saw them, but my mind was on mental lockdown. Right now, I couldn't even think about it or I would go into full-blown panic mode, and I did _not _want to do that. It wouldn't help anything, and would only prove to make me seem like more of a crazy person.

I got dressed quickly, making sure to put on long sleeves to cover up my most recent cut. Edward would not enjoy that little reminder. I ate breakfast by myself, Charlie having left for work early, and slowly became aware of that fact that I was all by myself. And this was wrong.

It was Monday morning; he almost always drove me to school on Monday morning. I chanced a glance outside the window, to see no shiny silver Volvo waiting for me. I tried not to panic. _Well, great_. I hadn't exactly expected him to magically reappear, anyway, though he could just be running late…Oh God.

The thought was enough to leave me running for the door, books in hand, as I speedily climbed into my truck. I didn't care that I would be at school early, or that it meant I would probably have more of a chance of running into one of _them _before class. My only thought as I ran, honest to goodness, was _no__._

As expected, I arrived at school about twenty minutes before class started. The rain was light, so I skipped the umbrella as I quickly parked my truck in its usual spot, happy to see that his car wasn't yet parked next to mine. I planned to go to the library and study for a math test- anything to get out of the public eye and _away _from his potential gaze…_Edward_. My heartbeats increased just by thinking his name. I would never be able to avoid him for long; I already missed him too much. The numbness had not yet faded, and I was doubtful that it ever would until I was back in his arms… But in order for that to happen…well, I wasn't willing to do what must be done; _call him. _Yuck.

I hopped out of my truck, rust flakes swirling around as I slammed the door, and proceeded to make my way towards the front entrance of the high school. I was lucky to avoid anyone approaching me, since I spotted both Mike and Angela as I neared the doors. I slipped inside without any trouble, and let out an audible sigh of relief as I walked into an empty hallway. Funny, for it to be so silent inside such a loud school. _Well, it is first thing in the morning… _I took my place inside the small library, books skewed about, shrinking down in my seat to avoid attention…and settled in to at least make an_ attempt_ at the impossible task that was studying.

...

The bell rang suddenly, and it seemed as if I'd missed the first two warnings. I was late. It took me a few seconds to regain my composure and find the will to scurry off to class, and of course I tripped a little in my hurry. I rounded a left and then a right, dodging the occasional late student and _trying _to appear sane. I had a flashback of doing this half a year ago, when Edward had just left; I would fight so hard to appear normal, when in reality all I felt was disconnected.

When I finally reached English, breathless and wide-eyed, Mr. Berty was glaring at me from inside the doorway, tapping his watch in disapproval. I took half a step inside the classroom, ready to take detention, a lecture, _whatever_- when I saw him. _He_ was in the seat that would be next to me, his usual seat, and his gaze was so intense that I couldn't help but take my previous step back. Why was I here again? I could not be here. I could _not _be here with him right…

"Well step on in, Miss Swan. I'm feeling lenient today, but if you'd rather take your time then go right ahead. Detentions are free," Mr. Berty sniffed.

I opened my mouth to apologize, but quickly opted on just shaking my head and rushing inside to take my seat…which was next to Edward.

We both visibly stiffened as I sat down, and my limbs seemed to forget how to move. I swallowed loudly and placed my bag down beside me. We were told to take out _Wuthering Heights _again, but just as I proceeded to- my bag split.

It wasn't a bad split, really, but enough to send a flare of loose papers and pencils all over the floor- in between my desk…and Edward's.

To avoid the awkward pause I knew was sure to come, I quickly reached down and began picking up anything my fingers could reach, throwing them back into the backpack as fast as I could. I'd nearly gotten it all, when I spotted it…a picture of _us_.

_Stupid, stupid…_I scolded myself over and over, hating myself for having put it there in the first place. The second I'd gotten it back from underneath my floorboards, I'd practically glued it into my backpack, convinced he would never find it in there if that day were to come again. Now I looked at it and felt shame. Shame because I hadn't been strong for him, shame because I hadn't told him the truth…and shame because I would never add up to what he deserved.

I reached down for it just as a cold, slender hand picked it up. Edward's grip wrapped around it tightly as he pulled it up to face level, offering it back to me. I knew he would be surprised to find it here, about as surprised as I was to find it gone in the first place…but this….

I couldn't take it. I made a grab for my nearly-restored bag, the picture its only remaining missing content, and stood up without thinking. Everyone was staring at me before I realized I was something to be stared at.

Mr. Berty crossed his arms over his chest, clearly waiting for an explanation for my second outburst of the day.

"I think I'm sick," I choked out, avoiding the gazes lighting up my body. "Can I…can I have a nurse's pass?" I pleaded, desperation obvious in my weak voice. The teacher gave me a noticeable once-over, as if saying _'well you don't look very sick…' _but eventually surrendered and handed me the pass. I immediately snatched it out of his hands, hating the attention that was on me but hating _his _attention even more. In the half a second I'd seen him, his eyes had gone _black_- and I could only hope that it wasn't all due to me.

Of course I had no intention of going back to the nurse. If anything, I would run to my truck and speed the hell out of Forks going 55 (my truck's limit.) In fact, I might be able to make it all the way down to Phoenix within a few days, and it wouldn't be so bad down there. After all, there was sun and heat and sun and brown and _sun_….a natural vampire defense.

Which is why, at exactly seven minutes past the start of class, I was heading to the school doors at a pace that could rival any Olympic sprinter. I did not relax until I was around the corner from the classroom, away from anybody's sight or hearing. There was a creepily familiar echo coming through the halls, and I prayed to whatever God there was that it wasn't who I thought it was….and then I heard it.

Footsteps. And not just _any_ footsteps- they were ones of the lightest sound, ones that barely made contact with the ground. They could only mean one thing; so he was coming. I ran.

I couldn't dare see that face again, not when we had so much left unsaid, not when I'd shut my window and ignored him and sped out of class upon simply eye contact, not when I couldn't face him myself.

I knew running wouldn't work. Running only triggered a response, portrayed you as prey, made you an easy target. I knew that I wouldn't get far before he blocked my path, and I also knew that he wouldn't leave me alone until I talked to him…about everything.

I heard the vibrations visibly slow as he approached, and I didn't realize I was holding my breath until the uncomfortable pressure in my chest became unbearable. I sucked in a mouthful of air, remaining stock-still as his footfalls fell away. The buildup was becoming too much for me, and against my will my hands started to shake. We were _so close _to the doors, so close to my freedom…

"That's not the way to the nurse," he spoke quietly. My eyes were downcast, so I didn't see him walk up until his arms were around me, offering the only comfort I desired. I pushed out of his embrace, not meeting his eyes; I couldn't have any of that right now, or I would lose it. I would just start screaming at nothing in the hall, anything to avoid what he wanted…what I never wanted. He was never supposed to know about this, we were never supposed to have this talk.

I dodged his grip and kept walking, ignoring his presence completely. The most crucial thing for me right now was to get _out_- after that, I didn't know _where _I would go. But here…in a school hallway…with Edward….well, this was definitely _not _right. Of that much I was sure.

It wasn't until I had my hand on the door that he chose to try again, only this time it wasn't laced with nearly as much consideration as his previous attempt had been.

"Bella," Edward started, "Don't do this. You don't…we can work it out, okay? Just don't…don't leave." He knew I was leaving? How could he…_Alice_. I should have known, lately she seemed _all about _foiling my plans, the freaking psychic…

I was frozen yet again, and in response Edward simply opened the opposite door and pulled me outside along with him. The second the cool air hit my chest I came back to life. Panic overtook my head, and Edward could see it clearly etched on my face as it built its way up my chest. I made a break for it, aiming in any direction but here. Edward automatically caught onto my arm, mistakenly grabbing the cut wrist from yesterday. It began to throb. I began to hyperventilate.

"Shh, shh, Bella it's okay. Everything's alright, calm down," he pleaded, trying to get me to look at him. I didn't. He reached up to smooth back my hair, and his touch was like a physical jolt to my body.

"Stop, _stop_!" I ordered, my hysteria finally breaking free. I was slowly backing away, leaving Edward with a tortured expression across his face.

"Bella, I-I'm sorry. I can't let you go like this, I can't-" He reached out for me again, and I immediately jerked away, feeling like a deer in headlights.

"Don't touch me."

"Bella…"

"_Don't_!" He visibly backed away at my comment, though I could see it was not without effort.

"Talk to me," he begged, and the look he was giving me suggested fear for his life.

"You…" I was struggling to remember how to speak, what to say, "You told me to call you when, when I was ready," I accused, my shaking growing worse.

"I did," he agreed. "But I didn't know you would…I never meant to _scare _you! I want you to be able to tell me anything, I want you to _want_ to talk to me, damn it! But Bella I can't stand you avoiding me, you can't imagine how _I_…" He trailed off, shaking his head miserably. Edward rarely cursed; it was obvious I'd really gotten to him this time. I was too angry to feel sorry quite yet.

"Well fine, Edward, fine. Tell me, what do you _want_ me to say? Please, because I obviously just have _no_ idea. Just tell me what you _want_ to hear! Because I don't know it," I laughed, though none of this discussion was the least bit funny.

"I don't," he responded quietly. "You scared me, and I reacted, and I'm sorry. I don't care what you tell me, or if you yell at me, or if you're angry...I don't. I just don't want you to run from me…" His eyes met mine then, and his were, for once, completely unguarded. I could see all of the hurt, pain, _worry_…and underneath it all, love. Here was a man who loved me so much, he was willing to apologize for something that wasn't his own fault, and I was _yelling_ at him?

I felt, rather than sensed, my anger fading to something else…something much worse. With no warning whatsoever, tears rushed to the surface, sobs racking my entire frame as I crumpled. Edward looked helpless for a moment, and then his arms were around me, my face buried deep in his chest.

"Oh, Bella…" He breathed, pulling me closer to him. "I'm so sorry I left you. I had no idea, you have to believe me…I had no idea you could have felt even an _ounce _of what I felt for you. I promise you had I known what my leaving would have caused…I would never have left, Bella. I would have stayed here forever," he swore to me. I sobbed harder, and he continued murmuring calming phrases over and over again as he held me.

This was the problem. Falling in his arms, completely collapsing while he held me, I felt like a little kid. Like his little sister who'd fallen and gotten a cut, rather than someone who had inflicted it upon herself. Like someone coming to him so he could kiss it and make it better, not to apologize and confess my sins. When I was with Edward, I was so small. I could never measure up to what he deserved. Never.

Once again I fell into a heap of sobs, and his arm began running up and down my back as he tried to calm me. I would hate to be in his position, as I imagine anyone would, guys especially- caught wanting to yell and be angry with me, and then having me turn into a shriveling mess before his eyes. What was he supposed to do?

My knees gave out from underneath me, but Edward was quick to notice this- or maybe he'd just assumed they already had- for when I should have hit concrete, I hit nothing. He was supporting me, carefully holding me up with his arms so I wouldn't fall.

"Shh," he murmured. "I promise everything's going to be alright. I promise," he soothed. His words caused my tears to ricochet to an all-new level of heights. _You promise like you did when you left me? You promise like you did when you told me it would be as if you never existed? You promise like that? Because it didn't work, Edward, it didn't work._

He seemed to sense the calamity of his words for a second later he opened his mouth as if to apologize, but closed it shut a moment later, in complete surrender. I continued to cry.

"Just breathe," he said. I tried to do as he said, and attempted to draw in a long, shaky breath against my tears. And another, and another… It didn't take long for the slow breaths to become fast, and soon I was feeling lightheaded all over again. Edward tried to re-calm me...and on the outside it appeared to work, though on the inside it did little to help me. I was sinking.

Edward still seemed a little rattled by my sudden outburst, but was nonetheless quick to recover as his absolute neurotic attention reappeared.

He looked me over a few times, shaking and red-faced, before nodding his head as if coming to a revelation he already assumed. "Let's go," he said when I was in at least a bit more control over myself. I had no fight left in me, and surrendered as he lightly picked me up to move. I clung to his chest like a life raft, for I knew that I was close to going someplace that was very dark. He seemed to know this, too.

"Keep talking," he ordered.

"A-about what?" My voice sounded just as pathetic as I felt, and on a normal day I wouldn't recognize it as my own.

"Anything, I told you I don't care what about. Just," he took a deep breath, "Don't go silent on me, please. That's scary," he explained. I nodded my head- I could understand that. I was scaring myself.

I took in another shaky breath and scrambled for words from my brain, which still appeared to be fixed on lockdown.

"I don't even have money for gas, if I was going to drive to Phoenix," I tried. I had no idea where the words came from, but I would take what I got.

I thought about it for a minute and grinned. The smile that accompanied my confession felt wrong on my face, as if my tear-soaked skin was trying to push it off.

Edward chuckled, opening the passenger side of his Volvo and setting me down beside it as carefully as if I were a china doll. I had no memory of us moving.

"I know," he said. I frowned. Did he have to know everything? It just didn't seem fair.

I didn't realize I was pouting until his arms were around me, pulling me to him so violently it took me a moment to realize what his reaction meant. I wasn't going zombie on him today…he was relieved.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he kept telling me, and I felt some of the darkness fade from my fingertips. Being in his arms, listening to his breathing, I was calm.

But he wasn't.

**And...that's it! Reviews will make the last chapter come sooner, though... Just a hint... **


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